Archive for January 28, 2013

Call me when the Stupid runs out.

Tennessee senator proposes cutting assistance to low-income families with school children, because the parents just aren’t trying hard enough.

I honestly cannot think of a more asinine concept than this.
If you are in a low-income family, just barely scraping by, and your child is doing poorly in school for whatever reason, this guy wants to let the government punish you by holding back Temporary Assistance for Needy Families by 30%.
Okay, I’m going to need someone, ANY one, a teacher, a parent, anything to explain to me how this will work.
Not, HOW it will work, but how it will WORK.

The senator has explained this concept on his blog.
No, really.

And while he explained that his plan has been used successfully in 40 other countries, he neglected to mention that HIS plan is not quite the same as the plan that, apparently, is closing the income inequality gap in places like Mexico and Brazil.

Where their government is giving low-income families the minimum already and adding incentive when their children stay in school and maintain good grades, and the parents participate in workshops to improve their health and education, Sen. Campfield believes that they should be inspired by the idea that the government will take away what little assistance they’re getting in the first place!

I am asking, imploring, SOME body tell me how this man has come to the conclusion that this is a plan that will help poor families.

I’m so done with politicians right now.

Sh*t, I shot it!

 5 people shot at 3 different Gun shows hosted on Gun Appreciation Day.

And that’s your irony for the day.

What You don’t Know about Women

I do not understand men.

Strange, random men, who need to use the worst pickup lines on women.

This morning, after dropping off Little Man at school, I had to make a stop at the supermarket.

Now, mind you. It’s 8:00 AM, man. I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep over the past two days. I’m not in my everyday glammed-up (HA!) version of myself.

I’m not expecting some random dude to come smiling up to me, while he’s unloading stacked produce.

What’s worse, it wasn’t even good. You seriously trying to mack on somebody at 8:00 am and you’ve got nothing better than,”How about you give me your phone number, so I can call you?”

Yeah, how about I snatch that dead caterpillar off your face and make you eat it?!

I got a little too New York when he did that, because I just turned around with a look of disgust and went, “SO. MUCH. NO. How ’bout ‘HELL NO?!'”

I felt like I needed a shower.

Now, there are some who will say this was the wrong approach. It’ll only encourage him, because he got a reaction out of me.

Yeah, well. Guess what?

There is no “right” approach. Not if that’s how you look at it.

If I say something, I’ve given him the attention he wants. If I ignore him and walk by, he takes that to mean I’m affected by him and it just encourages him to do it again to the next woman. Insulting him will just piss him off, maybe.

Any way you slice it, if you’re a woman, the onus is on you.

“You shouldn’t have…”

“You can’t do that…”

“You’ll just provoke him.”

What about, stop acting like a jackass?! No woman appreciates that caveman bull. And if you DO approach a random woman you don’t know, if you’re so compelled by her beauty to talk to her, you’d better come up with something way more respectful and more creative than, “gimme yo numbuh.”

Good rule of thumb: If you heard it on an old episode of “Fresh Prince,” don’t use it.

Man, sit yo ass down!

Putting It Together

For the past week or so, I’ve been watching friends talk about making things happen in the new year. While this is all well and good, I hadn’t really thought of anything I needed to do.

Until about 3 days ago.

I have now decided to take on a personal project.

‘Cause, you know, raising a family, looking for work, hunting for auditions, and being in a band just doesn’t keep me busy enough.

So, I’ve been looking at my home in a completely different light.

And believe me, if I could anything about the lighting, I would.

But I’ve been surveying the rooms and thinking, I have to change this.

I need to find inexpensive, family-friendly ways to turn my house into a home.

We have a thousand gorgeous pictures of a gorgeous little boy with a pretty fabulous family and they’re all stocked up in the computer, never to see thelight of day. That seems unfair.

We have a pretty big kitchen that has its faults (almost no counter space, plain white walls with muddy brown accents. yikes.), but it also has its charms. I want to emphasize what I love about it and make it our own. We’ve been living in “somebody else’s house” for two years now.

I am a novice, but I think that with the help of Crate & Barrel, The Container Store, Sur La Table (and probably my mother), I can do make it show off OUR family.

I just hope I survive the avalanche that awaits me in the living room closet.

Did you say something, Maggie?

Oh!

So, a friend of mine had an extra ticket to a Broadway show.

Free matinee. Whoo!

She took me to see Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, with Scarlett Johanson.

Hmmm…

Yeah.

Now, I don’t claim to be any kind of expert on Tennessee Williams.

However, one thing that I’ve noticed is that in a Williams play, there always seems to be another, unseen, ever-present character. The Heat.

The Heat of the South.

The Heat of the Moment.

There is always Lust, with a capital L, in the air.

And from what I understand, the tumultuous relationship between main characters Brick and Maggie, must be fraught with chemistry. Lots and lots of chemistry.

Kids,

I’ve made baking soda volcanoes that had more chemistry than those two.

It was… bad. Wow, was it bad.

If your performance is being outshone by the set design…

Holy cats! You got a problem, son.

There was no there there.

In all honesty, I found the production no good. There were some moments of saving grace (God Bless Debra Monk), but overall, you could see the edits, revisions and how they left holes in things left and right. Things that were added in just did not help, they were hindrances. I won’t give details in case you do see the show, but I will say this. 

I went in with the pre-conceived idea that Johanson would disappoint.

I’m kind of sorry to say, I was really, really right.

SHE’S TOO YOUNG!!

She’s too young to play Maggie the Cat, plain and simple.

There’s no tension, there’s no fight in her.

And, how can one do the entire opening monologue in a Tennessee Williams play in a slinky, silky slip and not be sexual. At. All?

And half the time, with her husband in the room (that she supposedly begs to have sex with), she talked as if she had no connection with him, whatsoever. I asked my friend “Does she know he’s there?”

But it wasn’t just her. If only it were that easy.

It was bad across the board.

No malice, no bitterness, just disappointment.

Oh! And why is the lady sitting next to ME the only chick in the theater that has no idea how to turn off her iPhone?

No, seriously.

It went off during the first act and when she sat there fumbling with it during both intermissions (yes, I said, both), I came within a hair’s breath of snatching it out of her hands. AHHHHH!

Okay, I’m done.

Good night.

In the Neighborhood.

Well…

I had a busy day today.
My Men (husband and Little Man) and I went to a birthday for a pair of twins we know.
We travelled all the way to Hoboken, a place where we spent our first year of marriage. We had a cozy basement apartment, plenty of friends, and a square mile of bars at our disposal.
In case you’re wondering, yes, it was that fun.

We walked to the party location (a bookstore! An actual bookstore!), reminiscing over all our old haunts, surveying the new stores and hang-outs, mourning our favorite places that now cease to be.

We arrived to find a frazzled mommy doing last-minute prepping. Within 20 minutes, we were overloaded with babies. We had a great time, reuniting with friends from the neighborhood. We’ve all found new neighborhoods, of course. Out of town, miles away. All with babies of our own.

We keep in touch.

Facebook helps.

Of course, it’s never the same.

But it’s not supposed to be, is it?