… And Pose!

Reason #4,297 why I love living in New York:

After dropping off my son at school, I took a Vogueing class.

With the man, himself, Benny Ninja!

Top Model fans, eat your hearts out!

Top Model fans, eat your hearts out!

LOVED HIM!!

Talk about personable! Of course, it helped that we only had 6 girls in the class.

We were taught some basic points of vogueing and how to make it yours. When am I ever going to need this? Who Cares?! I had a lesson with Benny Ninja!

And then, I got to pose with him in a picture. Of course, he looked amazing. I think I just might go for more classes before I’m done. I also took a Theater dance class later. Oh, my feet are mad at me. I imagine the rest of my body will punish me tomorrow.

But, I need to get my dancing legs back.

Finally got a new show happening!

More to come.

International House of Sex

So, once a week or so, I get reminded of why I love living in New York.

A friend of mine reviews shows on occasion and gets to bring a plus one. I’ve learned to become an EXCELLENT plus one.

At times, we are rewarded with fantastic performances with insightful plots and stories. Other times, we are exposed to disappointments of epic proportions and when they’re over, we reward ourselves… with scotch.

As a last minute arrangement, we ran off to Don’t Dress for Dinner, written by Marc Camoletti, the playwright who gave us Boeing-Boeing. I haven’t had a chance to see a good, old-fashioned farce since the revival of Noises Off*. Good Lord, that’s forever!

I love getting the chance to see plays and study the performances and stories that I normally wouldn’t have the chance to. I saw Ben Daniels last in Les Liasions Dangereuse. I didn’t even recognize dude. Talk about versatile! He and Adam James played off of each other incredibly well. Patricia Kalember as the cold, yet passionate, indignant yet deceitful Jaqueline is a perfect foil for just about everybody else in the cast. And Jennifer Tilly’s back on Broadway as a ditzy mistress. Girlfriend has made a career out of that, spanning years.

Shoot, I ain’t mad at her.

But for this show, I had no choice but to watch Spencer Kayden. I almost didn’t recognize her at first. Then that unmistakeable voice came in. It wasn’t just her presence, it was the deadpan delivery, the physical transformation, all of it. She was the smartest person in the room and shockingly, the least confused. And when her very large, very testy chef husband (David Aron Damane) walks into all of this fracas, she still keeps control of the room.

She walks off with the show and in a farce, that’s not easy.

She is SO taking the Tony home. It’s happening, people.

But I’m no critic, so don’t take my word for it. Just go check it out for yourself.

 

Oh, how the stupid exhausts me!

Are… you… kidding me?!
I honestly thought I’d heard all of the lame excuses used to ban marriage equality. And seriously, ALL of them are lame. But this one tops them all.
Now, thanks to Senator Brunstetter and his wife, we have a new level of stupid.

The good senator (insert imaginary sarcastic quotes here), who has written Amendment One for the North Carolina state constitution, wants it in the constitution to “protect” it from activist judges. But according to his wife, Jodie, it’s more than that. She was quoted by a freelance journalist as saying, the amendment her husband wrote was created to “protect the Caucasian race.”
No joke.
Protect the Caucasian race.
I don’t know who taught this chick her biology, but Mother of God.

In what universe does this make sense? I really want to know.

Gay couples do not procreate!! 

I thought that was the main reason you guys were so against them!

And now, you’re making this about preserving the race? Seriously?!

Oh honey.

Whether you know it or not, you “Caucasians” lost that battle a few centuries ago when your ancestors couldn’t stay out of my ancestors’ quarters.

Now you know. Surrender the fantasy.

So, now you’re concerned that not only will gay people have kids, they’ll have kids of different races, is that it?!
The logic. Where is it?

This is where I’m confused. All of these efforts to curb attempts to treat gay people like, you know, PEOPLE, have been rooted in the deep-seated belief that there is no actual love in a gay relationship, that they cannot and should not raise families because they are “sick.”

But over the past decade or so, I have seen some seriously “sick” behavior, but none of it has come from the supposed “deviants.” I have seen pillars of the community fall, supposed saviors of the family unit exposed in their never-ending quest to strive to retain their right to discriminate.

That’s all this is. Legalized, aggrandized discrimination.

Bill after bill after amendment after grand-standing rally, is all about scaring people into thinking it will be the end of civilization as we know it if we let people live their lives. Seriously, I think that most of the people who are trying so hard to prove to themselves that same-sex relationships aren’t valid have never opened their eyes and seen them as a family. They don’t want to believe it’s real. That the men and women they have been trained to despise their entire lives aren’t that different from themselves.

That. thought. terrifies them. 

But, in light of this woman’s idiotic notions, I think North Carolina and every other state should be far more afraid that knuckle heads like this woman and her husband are working for the state and are responsible for the rights of all citizens of North Carolina. That’s right, ALL citizens. You cannot pick and choose who your constituents love. There is no law for that, no matter what you do.

The answer to finding peace is equality.

Dissolution will be your downfall.

Figure it out now, or suffer later. Your choice.

But if you choose to continue on this path to convince the state you’re right, Mr. Brunstetter, do yourself a favor. Keep your wife from talking to the media. Don’t want the crazy getting in the way of your message.

Oh, the crazy IS your message.

Well, carry on, then.

Warming up my slappin’ hand.

Eric Bolling:
You did what?!
You’re serious.
You did this in earnest.
You picked on some of the most beloved puppets in the world, and you got a “positive” response from your viewers for that? Dude, whatever (eyeroll).
So, due to this “encouragement,” you felt emboldened enough to make a debate challenge.
to. a piece. of felt.

Psst. Yo, Bolling.
Come here.
What did I tell you about messing with the Muppets?
What did I tell you?!

*smack* What is wrong with you?
*smack* Are you a grown man or what?
*smack* Don’t you have any respect?!
You disrespected the Little Green Guy, who’s been in the business for over fifty years, you dolt!
Those pieces of fabric are more beloved than you will EVER know!!
*inhale* But you know what? I’m not going to get more worked up about this. I don’t need to.
Because Kermit can speak for himself. And so can Miss Piggy.

You just got served. By Bacon.

That’s right. You just got your sorry butt handed to you by a sock with lashes!! WHAT!

*Sigh* I hadn’t even had my coffee yet.

Poster boys for sterilization

 

Oh, Santorum. I think you’re doing this on purpose. I really do.

So, in an effort to raise money for his campaign, he creates an organization called Conservatives Unite Moneybomb. *sigh* The title makes no sense, and given the new definition of his name that was bestowed upon him by Dan Savage,* I would be on the lookout for such acronyms being associated with your name, if I were you.

*For those who’ve read Savage Love or googled the word, you know what I mean. Those who have remained ignorant, I won’t describe it here. Suffice to say, ew.

But THIS is the biggest dumbass of the week.

Tennessee senator declares it is “virtually impossible” for heterosexuals to contract AIDS.

Senator Stacey Campfield of Tennessee apparently put the country at ease by informing them that AIDS is impossible to contract from heterosexual sex.

How comforting, Senator. I’m sure the nearly 17 million women in America with the HIV virus will be very happy to hear that.

Is he aware that he possesses the medical wisdom of a 10 year old boy?!

That statement is ignorant. I’m talking 1985 ignorant.

Seriously.

Stop breeding. I’m asking you nice.

 

OH, you’ve earned this.

Phil Parkinson.

I don’t know who this fool is, but he is responsible for THE most offensive marketing of the past year, and that includes the fool woman who did that ridiculous, glamorized domestic violence ad for her salon in Canada. No, really. This happened. For more details, check my archives.

I stopped everything I was doing specifically because this was too disgusting. This lands you in the oh, HELL no!! section of dumbasses.

Pictures of the Auschwitz, posing as a threat to calories?! Millions of people were starved, tortured, murdered and this location was base camp 1 for human injustice and your idea was to use this for your gym?! You showed no remorse, and were thrilled when your Google numbers went up!

To do something this crass for the sake of bringing up membership numbers in your gym, is reprehensible. You managed to bypass all of the Republican caucus nonsense and go straight to the head of the line. You win for the week, marketing genius!

It’s like I never left.

Brother.

I’m getting real tired of seeing the inside of my eyelids.

Could someone please find his Grindr account and get this over with?!

Merry New Year!!

Well, I just enjoyed a champagne-soaked weekend.

It’s not as glamorous as it sounds.

Fun? yes. Glamorous? Not so much.

‘Cause you see, the whole holiday season was overrun with my show. The Gayest  Christmas Pageant Ever has pretty much been my life for the past three months. Appointments, holiday shopping, plans, friends, everything have taken a back seat to our run. Oh so many apologies to so many people. I’m not used to such a long run, taking me out of commission.

At any rate, I managed to get back in touch with my friends this weekend and finish my show. Friday, I dropped off Little Man at my mother’s to make sure my husband and I could make our shows. With an unscheduled stop at the on-ramp to the Lincoln Tunnel, thanks to some cranky woman who had to try to outrun the bus (brilliant tactical maneuver, by the way), I had time for an early dinner and my show.

We had an awesome crowd and our timing was fierce. A couple of friends saw the show and took me out for a nosh afterwards. Then, we raced uptown to a karaoke birthday party for one of my bandmates. I’m in the room 6 seconds, they shove a mic in my hand, next thing I know, I’m singing “Firework.” Ah, well. It was for a friend. Then cake and champagne were respectively eaten and spilled till one in the morning.  Go home, go sleep.

Next day. New Years’ Eve and closing night of the show. Sigh. Lots of props. Lots of drama. Lots of goodbyes. I’ll reflect on all of that another time.

A sensible woman would have gone home to rest. But I’m an actress. All pretense of sensibility went out the window the day I started chasing footlights.

So, I head waaaaay uptown to a friend’s house, where a quiet, intimate group, my husband and a margarita awaited me. Yeah, I made the right choice. We talked, laughed, shared homemade goodies in the comfort of an abode far from midtown’s madness (I may not be sensible, but I’m no knucklehead). We toasted the new year with champagne, kissed and cuddled till two in the morning. Go home, go sleep.

Next day, brunch with recently married friends. My first real attempt to get back in touch with my friends in what felt like ages. My husband and I traveled to Brooklyn to hang out for a grown-up brunch, with wedding talk and mimosas.

Oy.

Knucklehead? Maybe not. But I sure am a glutton for punishment.

It was like I tried a holiday season’s worth of socializing in two and a half days. Won’t be trying that again for a while.

So now, life returns to semi-normal.  Completely normal is overrated.

New Year, New Chances. Back to school things, family things, auditions, and the pursuit of happiness.

Bad idea/ Good idea

There are some people in the world who have too much time on their hands and create havoc like the putz who did this.

And there are some people in the world who have too much time on their hands and create GENIUS!!

Just a thought.

The stupid. It burns!!

So, about five days ago, I saw this headline from an article about a Kentucky church banning interracial couples from becoming members.
“I’m sorry, what?”

So, I just read that a church conference overturned their moment of stupid. It was voided because it kinda, sorta, I don’t know violated church, state and federal by-laws. Yeah, maybe someone should have checked on that BEFORE they made themselves the laughing stock of Kentucky.

In other stupid:
Michelle Bachmann.
Yeah.
Sometimes, it’s just too easy.
And yes, I heard about the kid who schooled her about his mommy.
He’s not the first. No doubt, he won’t be the last. But he’s on record because I imagine (coaxed by mommy or not), he’s the youngest.

But of all the very dumb things I have seen in the past couple of days, this punk is number one with a freaking bullet.

The Muppets?!

That’s all you’ve got?!?

The Muppet movie gives their villain a name like Tex Richman and that means the entire movie is about subtle manipulation of our children?

I’m not even going to talk about how pathetic that is. I’ll try a different tack.

Now, I understand the need to call out subliminal messages that are making a concerted effort to instill an unreasonable sense of mistrust on an oil corporation.

I mean, what have oil companies ever done to hurt people, plants, animals and general eco-systems?

But to pull out that tired, Communist card on the Muppets?! That’s a new low.

Rule #1: You don’t screw with the Muppets, jack.

Rule #2: You don’t. Screw. With. THE MUPPETS!!
Eric Bolling wins this week.

Or so I thought.

To be continued…